1, There is always weight on me.No matter how many joyful parties I have been to or how many tight friends have been around, this kind of heaviness just haunts in my mind. I am not a simple happy child, yet won't be in the future. I think the people with good sense of humor are actually a bit melancholy inside. Humor derives from the wit which leads to the insight of the wrecthed life. Accept myself as who I really am. Don't wear a pesona and try to please someone else. And as far as I am concerned , certain level of heaviness is necessary. Otherwise, I will feel too floating, not down to the ground, just as it stated by Milan Kundera in the book of "the unbearable lightness of life".
2, Stop drinking so much. Alcohol just demotivates me and makes me numb. It's only one of the ways to escape me from the real life.
3, I always have a strong feeling of accomplishing something. Everyone including all my teachers told my parents I was a really smart kid. I went to the best schools and acheived the best scores with the least effort. Howerever, there consequently come two problems. One is that I am too floating right now. Not like the genius Mozart who discovered his both interests and talents when he was young, I am interested in many area, like politics, economics, history, social science, art, and etc. I feel I could do everything, but couldn't really triumph in any area for other experts who are also talented just devote much more time and enery into that specific area. Besides I am limited by my own capabilities too, so I need to find what I really like and focus on that. How I wish I could be as versatiled as Michelangelo. The other problem is that I am not down to the earth enough to acheive something in my life. I should admit that getting everthing so easily have enrouged my laziness and sort of beliefs that i could always do it that way. And in my crowds, vain people just flaunt this kind of irresponsible ( or revised in better way called "laid back") life style. I was one of the shallows, yet I decide not to be one anymore. Work harder.
4. Don't indulge myself since the damage is forseeable.The pleasure of indulgence is certain but transitory, however, after that it follows the guilt which can devastate me and put me trough a status of mental disturbance, which leads to indulgence again. Suffering from this vicious cycle, I probably can feel the superficial happiness, but shall never find the serenity of my mind, which I believe is the definition of true happiness.
