唉。。南京

难得远离party的星期五晚上，应着平静的心情，去看“南京！南京！”

这是一部买了爆米花，吃着吃着就吃不下去了的电影。

这是一部看完出来20分钟没怎么说话，一路默默就不知道走回来的片子。

这是一部不适合情侣约会以及任何纪念日的日子。

这是一部你可以带着不爱了的恋人来看，然后迅速说分手的片子。多年以后他（她）都不会知道到底是这部片子痛，还是分手痛。

真与陆川有点默契。

看到快结束的时候，最害怕的就是不知哪传来的枪声。这要命的声音哪！

想想那些被绑在柱子上蒙着眼睛的人，在枪声前响起的一刹那，可能是最痛苦的。对死忙的恐惧和未知被在短短几秒被放大了到了极限，而自己又是那么无助。

结尾的时候，小豆子和胖子听到枪声很有默契地看了看自己身上有没伤口，唯一的黑色幽默。

都不知道小豆子最后那到底是笑还是哭。也许这两种极端的情绪本来就是分不清的吧。

陆川还是落俗的用了蒲公英，象征顽强生命力和希望的蒲公英。可是俗得挺美好的。

高圆圆演过了。不过一声shoot me，死得有尊严，到让我想起来蒋宋美龄去西安斡旋西安事变的时候，递给随从的官员说，如有不测，就杀了我。

再就是日本军官角川。

我不得不说我看他就是双重折磨。

天地良心，为什么他长得那么像我前男友

而且名字里面还有一个“川”！！！！！

我承认我手贱给他发了条短信。。。

不过，作为一个日本人演这个实在需要非凡的勇气。

这是一个私人的感受，要看影片的话，大部分写得比我好吧

多多的来电

多多从遥远的南京给我电话，说想我了的。
一阵窃喜，意识到虽然有奔着年老色衰的趋势走，当年的众多爱慕者还有一两个是没有抛弃我的。
多多说：还是你好啊，既知性又野性，既清纯又性感，是我们广大男性的女神啊。
我说：你看看，短短几秒，你就甩出这么多矛盾对立的形容词。
多多说：是啊，你就是矛盾统一体嘛。
这话没错，绝非装B，这两年来，自从跟我第一任男朋友分手之后，我就开始踏上孤独的且寻找自我的过程。一两年过去了，我觉得我还不是我，一如既往的矛盾，那个平衡的点就是很难找到。
不过一切平和了就不是青春了。
但凡矛盾的个体，在外人看总是美的，是热情与力量的源泉。
而生活自其中，真是如人饮水，冷暖自知。
不然梵高咋会自杀呢。

多多说：你一定要成才啊，以后我就可以访问你的。你还说投资500万给我拍电影呢，你忘记了吗？
这个具体的数字我倒真是不记得了，只记得说要一起努力的。
我说：多多啊，你要积累的啊，我理解工作之后很浮躁，就不愿意看书了。而且越来越多的人不看书，所以当大师很孤独嘛。要耐得住寂寞，要能忍得了别人把你当怪物看。

就在这样相互鼓励的过程当中，我突然有种感觉，以后的我会不会end up with him，或者其他人？ 我每次都想，上帝啊，快告诉我以后老公是谁，我也懒得找了。但是上帝啊，你能告诉我吗？哈哈哈

My week of introspection.

1, There is always weight on me.No matter how many joyful parties I have been to or how many tight friends have been around, this kind of heaviness just haunts in my mind. I am not a simple happy child, yet won't be in the future. I think the people with good sense of humor are actually a bit melancholy inside. Humor derives from the wit which leads to the insight of the wrecthed life. Accept myself as who I really am. Don't wear a pesona and try to please someone else. And as far as I am concerned , certain level of heaviness is necessary. Otherwise, I will feel too floating, not down to the ground, just as it stated by Milan Kundera in the book of "the unbearable lightness of life".



2, Stop drinking so much. Alcohol just demotivates me and makes me numb. It's only one of the ways to escape me from the real life.



3, I always have a strong feeling of accomplishing something. Everyone including all my teachers told my parents I was a really smart kid. I went to the best schools and acheived the best scores with the least effort. Howerever, there consequently come two problems. One is that I am too floating right now. Not like the genius Mozart who discovered his both interests and talents when he was young, I am interested in many area, like politics, economics, history, social science, art, and etc. I feel I could do everything, but couldn't really triumph in any area for other experts who are also talented just devote much more time and enery into that specific area. Besides I am limited by my own capabilities too, so I need to find what I really like and focus on that. How I wish I could be as versatiled as Michelangelo. The other problem is that I am not down to the earth enough to acheive something in my life. I should admit that getting everthing so easily have enrouged my laziness and sort of beliefs that i could always do it that way. And in my crowds, vain people just flaunt this kind of irresponsible ( or revised in better way called "laid back") life style. I was one of the shallows, yet I decide not to be one anymore. Work harder.

4. Don't indulge myself since the damage is forseeable.The pleasure of indulgence is certain but transitory, however, after that it follows the guilt which can devastate me and put me trough a status of mental disturbance, which leads to indulgence again. Suffering from this vicious cycle, I probably can feel the superficial happiness, but shall never find the serenity of my mind, which I believe is the definition of true happiness.